Fckin Fried Chkin

This is crazy. We’ve seen a few recipes for vegan fried chicken online and had to try it. It was an experience, let me tell you. We had no idea what was going to happen and the process made us feel like mad scientists. So if you want to have some cruelty-free fun, try this shit.

Fckin Fried Chikn

Ingredients

The chikn –

1 and a half cups of vital wheat gluten

1 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp onion powder

A hint of cumin (less is more according to Mike, who can smell and taste cumin from a mile away)

Couple pinches of salt and pepper

A dash of chili powder

1 cup cold water

2 tbs. soy sauce

2 tsp. Worcestershire

A couple splashes of Crystal’s Hot sauce

To begin, combine all of your dry ingredients in a large bowl. That means you gluten, garlic powder, onion powder and other spices. Then, mix all of your wet ingredients in another small bowl. Add more hot sauce if you like your chikn spicy. Can you guess what is next??? Add your wet ingredients to your dry ingredients and start to mix it up with a wooden spoon. Once it is all mixed together, dig your hands all up in there and knead the dough a couple of times. It’s shocking how fast it turns to dough.

Next you are going to want to separate the dough into about six equal-ish parts. With each piece, try to knead it and stretch it out as much as you can. The thinner the better at this point because they are about to expand. And you might think they will just get a little bigger. Wrong! They are going to get big. Believe me.

So after you have your strange looking stretched out dough things. You are going to boil them. Didn’t think that was the next step, huh? Yep. Grab yourself a big pot and add 5 cups of water, 2 tbs of soy sauce, 2 tsp of Worcestershire, and some Crystal’s hot sauce for flava. Add your dough nuggets to the water and bring that weird stuff to a boil. Once it’s boiling, turn your heat to low-ish and simmer those strange masses for 60 minutes flipping halfway through. This is what it is going to look like half way through…

Brains, right? Wrong. You are making seitan by the way. Google it. Full of protein for all those questioning where vegans get protein from.. here is one source.

After you flip those puppies you can start to put your dredge together.

The dredge –

1 cup (maybe a little more) UNSWEETENED almond milk

2 tbs (maybe a little more) flour

Mike’s girlfriend’s Crystal’s hot sauce

1 cup flour

1/4 cup nutritional yeast

2 tbs cornmeal (eh.. optional. But it makes it super crunchy)

1 tbs baking powder

Little tiny bit of cumin

2 tsp garlic powder

1.5 tsp onion powder

Some salt and pepper

1 tsp paprika

I think we added some cayenne for a little heat too.

Anyways, you know the drill. Mix your almond milk, 2 tbs flour, and hot sauce together in a bowl big enough you can dunk one of your nuggets in. The texture should be slightly creamy but mostly liquidy. So if you need to add more flour, do it. Or more almond milk, do it. Trust your judgement.

In another bowl mix together the 1 cup of flour, cornmeal, nutritional yeast, and all of your spices.

After your chikn brains after been simmering for 60 minutes, take them out and place them on a paper toweled plate to drain. Once drained and a little cooler, start frying em up!

Fill a frying pan with about 1/2 inch of vegetable oil. Then 2 at a time, take your seitan (chikn brains) and dredge them first in the almond milk mixture, then in the flour/cornmeal mixture, then in the oil. It should take about 2 minutes per side to get all brown and crispy. Continue this process with your remaining seitan. Place crispy ass fried chikn on a plate with paper towels to collect remaining oil.

Finally, sprinkle with a little parsley to make it look all fancy and enjoy with your favorite sides, or on a sandwich, or by itself. We had some oil-free sauteed garlic brocolini and baked potatoes! I would recommend adding some more Crystal’s hot sauce on top of the chikn for good measure. Enjoy!

Ps.. would not recommend storing in the fridge over night and microwaving it the next day for lunch and adding it to your salad. Not chill.